The houseplant with a side hustle

My houseplant never answered emails after hours. It faced the window, drank when it needed water, and grew at a pace that suited it. Naturally, I resented this.

‘What’s your secret?’ I asked between two notifications. The plant said nothing. It had been practicing that boundary for three years.

I copied one part of its routine: a few quiet minutes near the window. No app. No chart. No impressive announcement about my new lifestyle.

By Friday, the plant had grown a leaf and launched a consulting business. Its website simply said: ‘Have you tried standing near a window?’

I booked a session. One watering, every Tuesday. For once, the meeting had a clear purpose.